Being married to a man with Asperger syndrome - National Autistic Society
Written by Kirsty Kerr, Psychologist, complied by Autism Victoria, , Reviewed and updated April Relationships and the dating game is an exciting and. When I started dating at 18 I had NO idea how to talk to people, let alone women. Many of the people I dated had good intents, but they may not. Typical children do this naturally and have practised relationship skills a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome or high-functioning autism also.
Take the time to really notice the people you encounter on public transportation and at your favorite places to visit.
Be careful of your workplace, however, as romantic relationships at work are often discouraged, and sometimes even forbidden. However, you may need to get out of your comfort zone in order to meet someone new. Online dating and joining a new social group may be better options for you.
Online dating websites can make it easier to get familiar with a person before meeting them. Some sites claim to match people based on personality and behavior traits, including how much time the individual wants to spend alone and how important a physical relationship is.
Being married to a man with Asperger syndrome
Although there are some great benefits to online dating websites, always practice caution and safety when planning to meet someone in person. While it is reasonable to assume that most people who post a profile on a dating website are there to meet someone to date, not all people are interested in a committed relationship, and unfortunately, sometimes people use these websites for deceptive purposes for example, sexual predators, financial scams.
Social groups also provide the opportunity to observe typical socialization among others. You might also consider looking into events at a local museum or restaurant. Depending on your interests, you might find something right for you Quizzo, karaoke, sports trivia, for example. Will you go out with me? There is more to asking someone out on a date than finding a person and asking them to go out with you.
In particular, before asking someone on a date, it is a good idea to try to figure out if they have any interest in going on a date with you. It is also a good idea to think about good activities to do on the date — ones that both you and your potential date will enjoy. Detecting interest depends on reading verbal and nonverbal cues, which can be difficult for a person with ASD. Body language is an important way to judge interest, whether it is through eye contact, body orientation, or a touch on the shoulder.
It is just as important to be able to detect disinterest as it is to sense interest, but picking up on a sarcastic tone of voice or avoidance is often challenging. Similarly it is important that you know how to appropriately show your interest in someone. You can use the cues for detecting interest to show interest as well. It is really important to understand what is and is not appropriate.
Social/Relationships - Autism Society
For example, if it is difficult to distinguish between making a harmless, flirty joke and making a hurtful or offensive joke, try another strategy to show interest, like asking about things the person is interested in or even volunteering to help the person with a project. Watching television shows flooded with romantic relationships can be a great educational tool.
- Romantic Relationships for Young Adults with Asperger's Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism
- Romance 101: Dating for Adults with ASD
Movies that include romantic relationships will also work. Watch these with a trusted friend or family member so that you can discuss what is happening and make sure you are interpreting the all the cues.
However, whether it is The Bachelor or The Notebook, make sure you understand that much of what is depicted is likely not an accurate depiction of dating in the real world.
In addition to behavior, appearances count! We have had serious relationship difficulties in certain areas for as long as we have known each other. We have seen probably about ten therapists, including CBT and couples therapists, but this has made absolutely no difference to our relationship. Several years ago we were all reading The Curious Incident of The Dog in the Night-Time, and both my husband and our older daughter remarked that they recognized certain aspects of themselves in the book.
Until then I had never heard of Asperger syndrome; but the moment when the mother in the story asked her son if she might just hold his hand and he refused, dug a familiar hole in my heart. Communication difficulties My husband is a highly intelligent superbly functioning man with a few exceptions: He is happy to do any job which needs doing: But when I fell off a high ledge in the garden onto gravel and both my knees were pouring with blood, all he said was "You better get up now.
Intimacy My husband has been predominantly asexual throughout our relationship and seems to have very little need for holding hands, kissing, or being physically affectionate. He has learned to 'bear hug' in the last few years; but it is certainly not an embrace. He is adamant that he is not gay. My friends say he obviously loves me and our daughters, but he expresses himself practically rather than emotionally.
I have often accused him of not having any feelings: He finds it much easier to be demonstrative about our pets.
His interest in me is as a companion and as a comforter in times of stress. He seems to be oblivious of me as a woman. There may be less concern regarding age and cultural differences in a relationship. Please rate the helpfulness of this article: See IAN's section on Adults and Teens with Autism for articles about employment, independent living skills, college, health care, driving, and personal relationships.
IAN's series on adulthood, including independent living skills and college, begins with Coming of Age: Autism and the Transition to Adulthood References: Sex, sexuality and the autism spectrum.
Theory of mind and self-consciousness: What is it like to be autistic? View Abstract Attwood, T.Severe Autism and Relationships
Understanding and managing circumscribed interests. Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 11 4— View Abstract Aston, M. Couple relationships and family affairs. The complete guide to Asperger's syndrome.
Practical advice and activities for couples and counsellors: Making sense of sex: A forthright guide to puberty, sex and relationships for people with Asperger's syndrome. The Asperger love guide: From adolescence through adulthood. Freaks, geeks and Asperger syndrome: A user guide to adolescence.
Mozart and the whale: An Asperger's love story.