Relationships (Type Combinations) — The Enneagram Institute
Type 5: The Observer · Enneagram Type 6: The Loyal Skeptic · Type 7: The Epicure · Type 8: You habitually focus your attention on what is right or wrong; correct or incorrect. Each Enneagram Type has its own idealization, avoidance and defense mechanism What to expect if you are in a relationship with a One. The Enneagram Type Combinations. No pairing Keep in mind that one can have a relationship with any type if the two people are healthy. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 . You may have heard about Enneagram personality types, but if not, I'm happy These include The Perfectionist (#1), The Helper (#2), The Achiever (#3), The (#6), The Adventurer (#7), The Leader (#8) and The Peacemaker (#9). good advice and who takes on their share of the work in the relationship.
They bring freedom and spontaneity.Making It Work With Enneagram Type 6
Ones are more methodical and help Sevens stay on track—they resist getting distracted by too many options, and excel at following through with their plans.
Sevens offer Ones a sense of excitement and life as a source of pleasure and enjoyment. Ones offer Sevens a sense of purpose and idealism, as well as direction and the feeling that life is noble and meaningful.
Sevens keep Ones' spirits up, refreshing their idealism while preventing the relationship from becoming too heavy. Ones help steady Sevens, keeping them working systematically and consistently toward goals.
Sevens appreciate the One's consistency and reliability and are glad to have someone who can attend to details. These two types can be highly supportive of each other as long as their ultimate values are congruent and as long as they are both working for the same fundamental things in life.
Well-organized, orderly, and fastidious, they try to maintain high standards, but can slip into being critical and perfectionistic.
They typically have problems with resentment and impatience. Can be morally heroic. To be good, to have integrity, to be balanced Enneagram One with a Nine-Wing: Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism so as not to be condemned by anyone.
The Meaning of the Arrows in brief When moving in their Direction of Disintegration stressmethodical Ones suddenly become moody and irrational at Four. However, when moving in their Direction of Integration growthangry, critical Ones become more spontaneous and joyful, like healthy Sevens. Learn more about the arrows. They strive to overcome adversity—particularly moral adversity—so that the human spirit can shine through and make a difference.
History is full of Ones who have left comfortable lives to do something extraordinary because they felt that something higher was calling them. During the Second World War, Raoul Wallenburg left a comfortable middle-class life to work for the protection of thousands of European Jews from invading Nazis.
In India, Gandhi left behind his wife and family and life as a successful lawyer to become an itinerant advocate of Indian independence and non-violent social changes. Joan of Arc left her village in France to restore the throne to the Dauphin and to expel the English from the country.
The idealism of each of these Ones has inspired millions.
Although Ones have a strong sense of purpose, they also typically feel that they have to justify their actions to themselves, and often to others as well. This orientation causes Ones to spend a lot of time thinking about the consequences of their actions, as well as about how to keep from acting contrary to their convictions. But, the real picture is somewhat different: Ones are actually activists who are searching for an acceptable rationale for what they feel they must do.
Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise. Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals. They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized.
Type One — The Enneagram Institute
A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship. Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace. What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force.
Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship. Recognize that love comes from being, not doing. Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship. This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship. Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth.
Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship.
Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered. Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence.
Stay active and present even when feeling deficient.
Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action. Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities.
As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings.
They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship. Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners. Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality. Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged.
Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings. Respect boundaries and different work styles. Notice and moderate the fast go ahead energy and pace. Can-do attitude, accomplishment orientation, competence, engagement in life tasks, showing care through doing and facilitating goals, and enthusiasm. Practice staying engaged and connected. Encourage Performer to moderate pace and activity level.
Work on shared difficulty paying attention to feelings. Declare when alone time is needed. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts When sharing a common purpose or goal, Performers and Loyal Skeptics can complement each other well with an action orientation balanced by thoughtful downside analysis.
When Performers push ahead, somewhat blind to potential hazards and what can go wrong, Loyal Skeptics can react with caution and contrary thinking about pitfalls and worst case scenarios. A cycle of escalating conflict can take place with the Performer seeing this as putting up obstacles to progress and success, which evokes impatience and a push forward into action. The Loyal Skeptic then can feel unheard and discounted, which increases his or her doubt and mistrust. This can spiral into a web of angry allegations and eventually estrangement.
Loyalty, warmth, healthy skepticism and questioning, ability to see the bigger picture, and sensitivity. Develop respect for pitfalls and downside of endeavors.
Relationship Type 1 with Type 7 — The Enneagram Institute
Practice expressing own true feelings. Notice and moderate fast pace and allow in receptive force. Optimism, caring through doing, sustained focus on goals, positive go-ahead energy, and support for achievements. Practice trusting in plausible positive actions. Be clear about own position and feelings. Pay attention to and express positives. Reduce tendency to either defer or challenge.
Since both types avoid painful feelings and negatives, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced.
This cycle of blame creates pain and anger in both. If the difficulties are not faced, alienation can take place and the relationship can dissolve. Shared optimism and go-getter energy, mental quickness and inventiveness, positive possibility orientation, flexibility, and the playful adventuresome spirit.
Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives and encouraging the Epicure to do likewise. Practice slowing the fast pace and allow in receptive force. Develop patience by noticing the tendency toward impatience and releasing from it. Positive active energy, accomplishment and solution orientation, disciplined goal focus, practicality, and caring through doing. Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives, encourage the Performer to do likewise.
Come more into the present moment and away from future planning. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Protectors can join together in pursuit of shared goals with vigor and determination.
However, control and competition struggles can emerge unbuffered by softer feelings. A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue with the Protector picking up on the changes of position on the part of the shape-shifting Performer, leading to more provocation of the all-or-nothing style of confrontation.
Hurtful fights, withdrawal, and disruption of the relationship may ensue leading to termination the relationship.
Strait-forwardness, big life energy, support for goals, action orientation, courage of convictions, and strength of purpose. Welcome negative feedback and challenge. Pay attention to own true feelings. Encourage the Protector to express his or her softer more vulnerable side. Go-ahead energy, goal-directedness, achievement orientation, flexibility, enthusiasm, and caring through doing.
Recognize Performer for positive contributions and encourage the expression of true feelings. Allow in own softer feelings and receptive force. In turn, Performers help to mobilize Mediators into action. Getting frustrated and impatient, the Performer may pressure the Mediator to make decisions.
Feeling discounted and controlled, the Mediator can become anxious, stubborn and resistive.
This then may escalate into angry exchanges and debilitating, prolonged stand-offs that threaten or may even dissolve the relationship. Preoccupation with success and recognition, fast pace, inattention to feelings, self-focus, and desire to maintain a good image. Steadiness, ability to defer, adaptability, empathy, genuine support and caring, and ability to set slower pace and provide a counterbalance to active energy.
Notice and express own true feelings. Practice receptivity — really listening. Ability to focus on goals and solutions both for self and other, joy in doing, can-do attitude, sense of hope, and competence. Insist on being heard. Encourage Performer to moderate pace and listen.
Concentrate on what is wanted and important, not on what is not wanted and inessential. Then, they may feel disappointed in each other or themselves and feel that something important is lacking.
A push-pull can take place between them when what is absent and longed for seems better or more ideal than what is present and fulfilling.
A cycle of escalating conflict can arise in, which they compete for understanding, acknowledgement, support, and attention. Moodiness, anger over disappointments, and loss of steadiness may ensue. When this push-pull cycle repeats often enough the relationship can destabilizes and dissolve.
Tendency toward self-preoccupation, desire to be special and unique, focusing on what is missing rather than what is present, and push-pull swings of emotion. What to Appreciate in Other Romantics. Intensity, depth of feeling and reflection, idealism, the romantic and aesthetic flair, empathy for suffering, and authenticity.
Seek to understand rather than be understood. Practice staying steady and present, especially in the midst of strong emotion. Appreciate the ordinary as well as the extraordinary. Focus on what is present rather than what is missing. In general, however, Romantics want more and Observers want less in relationship.
Romantics can experience Observers as emotionally unavailable, overly intellectual, withholding, and controlling of time and energy, while Observers can experience Romantics as too emotional, demanding, intrusive, and difficult to satisfy. A cycle of escalating conflict can occur with the Romantic becoming more demanding and self-focused and the Observer more retracted and detached from feeling.
At worst, this can devolve into paralysis of action, disengagement, and ultimately alienation. Desire for more feeling and attention, difficulty feeling satisfied with what is present, strong emotional expression, and tendency to become self-oriented. Thoughtful analysis, dispassion, steadiness, non-demandingness, good personal boundaries, and self-sufficiency.
Soften claims for depth of connection and feelings. Welcome less rather than more as desirable. Show gratitude for what is present in the relationship.
Stay present in order to respect personal boundaries. Encourage Observer to stay connected and move into life. Tendency to detach from feelings and go into the mind, habit of over-intellectualizing, tendency to get overly protective of time and energy, and pulling away rather than engaging in interaction and fully in life.
Depth of feeling, idealism, desire for authenticity and connection, deep caring, and heartfelt empathy. Work at staying present and connected.
Value and express feelings. Clarify that time for self does not mean rejection. Realize that relationships will nurture rather than drain you. Encourage the Romantic to appreciate what is present. Loyal Skeptics appreciate the creative flair, authenticity or genuineness, and depth of heartfelt feeling of Romantics. But conflict arises when the Romantic seem insatiable in wanting what is lacking and when their feelings change dramatically.
This, in turn, can generate a cycle of escalating conflict, which leads to further disappointment, hurt, and demands for attention by the Romantic accompanied by the push-pull pattern of alternatingly spurning and embracing the Loyal Skeptic, which tends to magnify or heighten his or her doubts and mistrust of the relationship.
Angry outbursts, accusations, and withdrawal may be the result disrupting the relationship. Tendency toward self-centeredness, emotional changeability, contrariness, focusing on what is missing or lacking, and desire for more.
Loyalty, sensitivity, thoughtfulness, vivid imagination, sense of humor, and questioning mind. Practice steadiness, especially regarding swings in feelings. Reduce own tendency to be contrary and oppositional. Affirm commitment to relationship. Pay more attention to the positives in life and encourage the Loyal Skeptic to do the same.