How to control anger and temper in a relationship

How to Control Anger and Frustration in a Relationship

how to control anger and temper in a relationship

There is little you can do by repenting over it. anger in relationship. Here's what you should do to control anger, before it starts controlling you. how to control your anger and mend your relationships using practical and easy to follow Your first step is to recognize that you're about to lose your temper. Anger is not a sign that your relationship is doomed to fail. What becomes problematic is how partners deal with their anger and how .. struggle with controlling their temper. such individuals can take control of this emotion.

It stems from an internal sense of dissatisfaction you have within yourself. This form of anger is often unhealthy and can cause a lot of internal turmoil and instability. It harms you, and can also harm other people when it is directed at them out of frustration.

However, some forms of self-directed anger can actually be helpful and productive. Here you become overwhelmed with having too much to do, with having too little time, and often resulting in high levels of stress and anxiety.

This form of anger is often expressed through shouting. Here you are feeling angry and frustrated with yourself for one or more reasons. You might, for instance, be held back from something you want to do, be or have.

As a result, you express your anger aggressively in the form of defiance, through trouble-making, or by causing physical harm to another person.

Here your anger comes as a result of paranoia. You are paranoid that something might happen. This might, for instance, arise from intimidation.

how to control anger and temper in a relationship

And as a result, you become very defensive and try to protect yourself, which manifests in angry outbursts. Here you are constantly angry. You are angry just because… Self-Inflicted Anger: Here you are angry in order to punish yourself for something you did or failed to do.

You might have for instance made a mistake and as a result, you are angry at yourself. You might even go to great lengths to abuse yourself and possibly punish yourself because of this mistake. This is the only form of anger that actually makes sense. This form of anger is often expressed via protests. However, it can also be expressed in other ways.

For instance, you might purposefully choose to be angry to get a point across to a customer service representative. Or you might purposefully become angry to teach your kids a lesson.

This is all a constructive and helpful form of anger that can benefit everyone concerned. How have I experienced each of these types of anger? Why have I experienced these types of anger? What specifically triggered these angry feelings? Is it reasonable to respond this way? Could I have responded another way?

How have these angry outbursts hurt me? How have these angry outbursts hurt other people? How could I have better managed these moments of anger? How will I do things differently in the future? Managing your anger will become far easier and simpler once you understand and familiarize yourself with how anger tends to manifest in your life.

You might of course not have all the answers right now to control your responses. However, with a little effort and time, you can certainly re-condition yourself to begin responding to circumstances in far more positive and productive ways. How to Better Manage Your Anger No matter how much work you put into managing your emotions, there will certainly be times throughout your life when something unexpected will happen and this will immediately raise your internal temperature gauge.

You go from feeling somewhat uncomfortable, to being a little agitated, and then inevitably to feeling angry. During moments such as these, you could flip-out, lose your cool and vent your frustrations and anger on the unsuspecting world. Or you could learn to control your emotions and instead project them in more constructive and appropriate ways.

Go back to the signs and symptoms of anger and recognize how they are beginning to manifest in your life. The earlier you are able to identify these changes, the more likely you are to ward off these feelings and choose a different and more appropriate response. What specifically within your environment, or within yourself stirred your emotions the wrong way?

Finally, acknowledge that you have a weakness. There are certain limitations within your personality that are causing you to feel and respond in a certain way. Acknowledging these habits and tendencies will allow you to begin the process of change. Remove yourself physically by walking away and taking some time to clear your head. Keep Yourself Calm and Collected Your next step is to calm yourself down emotionally.

You can successfully calm yourself down by listening to relaxing music, by using affirmations, by counting backward from 10, by breathing deeply, by visualizing a calming scene within your imagination, etc.

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper - Mayo Clinic

There are plenty of ways to calm down. Through trial and error, you will determine what works best in your situation. Once you are calm and centered, remind yourself about your goals in this particular situation: What were you hoping to gain? Also, have a think about your most important values. These are the things that you are working toward.

And these are the things that you might purposefully sabotage if you lose your cool. Also remind yourself about the importance of staying calm under pressure, about the importance of maintaining good social relations with others, and about finding the strength within yourself to respond appropriately and intelligently.

how to control anger and temper in a relationship

What am I hoping to gain from the situation? What goals am I hoping to achieve?

Tips to tame your temper and save your realtionship

What values do I hold close to my heart? Why is it important for me to maintain a cool and level head? These questions will lay down the foundations for the next stage in this process. Evaluate the Situation Now comes time to knuckle down and evaluate the situation and evaluate your internal environment your mindset. Have a think about your personal standards and the expectations you are bringing into this situation.

Maybe one or more of your standards have not been met? Maybe your expectations are unrealistic? Or just maybe one of your rules has been broken? The purpose of this evaluation is to train yourself to proactively respond to events, people, and circumstances in an effective and rational manner. You are no longer going to allow your emotions to get the best of you.

Instead, you will look at the situation from a variety of angles and perspectives, and then pick the most appropriate and helpful response moving forward.

The 7 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships

Consider that you might not be seeing the full picture, and accept the fact that you might actually be wrong and could very well have made a mistake. Be open to the possibilities, and above all else, be truthful with your responses. Why am I feeling angry about this? Is my anger justified, appropriate and acceptable?

Have I possibly misread this situation? Are things the way I make them out to be? Am I making any assumptions about things? How else could I potentially view this situation? How could I potentially deal with this without feeling angry? How could viewing things this way be helpful?

What is actually good about this situation? Will this incident even matter next week, next month, next year? Answering these questions honestly will force you to consider alternate perspectives and possibilities.

This will help you acknowledge that the situation might not be as clear-cut as you originally made it out to be. And hopefully, this acknowledgment will allow you to select the most appropriate response moving forward. Choose Appropriate Response Your next task is to take everything you have worked through so far into consideration, and then select the most appropriate and helpful response moving forward.

The response you choose must have long-term payoffs and should support the greater good of all concerned. And this could very well mean that you still choose to project your anger if you feel that this is the most appropriate response in this situation.

However, this will no longer be an uncontrolled form of anger. It will instead be a form of constructive anger that can help you get what you want most effectively. You can, for instance, release the anger and move on without getting emotionally wrapped up in the situation. Or you can instead choose to avoid the situation altogether. Alternately you can choose to control your anger in a productive way to help influence the outcome of the situation.

Venting extreme anger can damage any relationship. Refrain from saying anything once you are angry. Practice forget and forgive. No matter how justified the reasons might be, the moment your temper flies, it is bound to create to a negative repercussions for your partner. Most often, anger is an impulse which subsides with time but leaves behind ample damage. There is little you can do by repenting over it. Acknowledge The task of controlling anger might seem like a difficult one, it could be approached quite positively.

Start off with modest measure — acknowledge. Acknowledge that you have to do something about it. Article continues below Concerned about stress and anxiety? Take one of our 2-minute mental health quizzes to see if you may benefit from further diagnosis and treatment. Immaturity begets immaturity so often in relationships. When we use a third person to manage our stress about another, this is often called an emotional triangle.

Wanting to vent is completely human and it is not wrong. Look Past the Issues As individuals, there are certain topics which are likely to ignite an angry reaction or an anxious reaction that can lead to conflict.