8 Great Things About On-Again/Off-Again Relationships | HuffPost
After one too many on again off again relationships, I decided to ask an expert why some of us just can't make a clean break. An on-again, off-again relationship is a form of personal relationship between two people. They may wish to keep an ongoing formal relationship, but have. As it turns out, the on-again, off-again relationship is an incredibly common phenomenon: A study published in Personal Relationships.
Are On-again, Off-again Relationships Healthy?
Experts suggest that these relationships can be divided into two kinds: Capitalized-on-transitions and Gradual separation.
The first type is where a couple makes a positive use of the breakup time; they capitalize on it. They sort of work on the things that makes the relationship unsustainable, work on these loopholes, so that when they finally reunite, things take a better shape. On the other hand, the second type of relationship is the kind in which each makeup only paves way for a final breakup! If yours was the first kind, it would have been sorted in one or two cycles. However, if the pattern is repeating more than that, it is probably the second type.
Now, coming to the question of this kind of relationship being healthy, or not. Did you know that this on-off relationship is also known as a 'Toxic Relationship'?
Evidence suggests that such unions not only affect the relationship, but also the personal well-being of those involved. It can harm one's self-confidence and total satisfaction level in life, thereby arising questions and doubts about self and also other partners in the long run. Clearly, there is nothing in this relationship that can be termed as healthy. Rather, living in such unions is like living in a delusion, where everything is promised, but nothing is delivered.
Essential Advice for Those in an On and Off Relationship After understanding the meaning of this relationship from a bird's-eye view, and realizing how unhealthy this relationship can be, it becomes extremely crucial for those involved in such complicated unions to give a serious thought about continuing with such toxic togetherness.
In order to avoid the emotional toil, the following advice will prove to be of help. Otherwise, it will only invite in more frustration, uncertainty, and doubts in the relationship. The uncleared things only lead to a benefit of doubt. These doubts and lack of clarity just add to the mess.
Unless you don't put a tick mark on the issues that need to be resolved, and see them getting resolved, there is no point being in such a union. Evaluate the Pros and Cons No decision should be, or can be, taken without evaluating the pros and cons, especially if it is to be taken for something as important as a relationship.
We are sure you must have done that in the past, but there are chances that your heart overruled the decision back then. One thought that overrides the 'happiness and satisfaction quotient' in these relationships is the amount of time invested. If you have been with this lover of yours for a decade, you are likely to shun the thought of finding a better partner, simply because of the time, emotions, effort, etc, etc, invested.Are On and Off Relationships Worth the Trouble? [Love & Gen Y]
Helen McGrath, a counseling psychologist and lecturer at Deakin University, states, 'People don't easily give up when it comes to relationships. Often they feel there's a huge investment at stake, and a sense that, 'Well, I've given it so many years, I might as well see if I can make it work'. Observe the Repetitive Pattern We agree that the thrill of getting back to an ex after a break can be alluring, but that's just initially, right? As we said earlier, reunited again after one breakup, at the most two, is still acceptable.
But if you have invested a significant phase of your life living in this repetitive mode of getting back and away, hoping at one time to find true love in someone else, and at another, realizing that the ex was better than the new one, then perhaps you need to rethink. You need to end it. Don't be Stuck in the Past Most of us tend to get hung on to our ex. We tend to compare the moments we spend with a prospect, to the moments we spent with our on-and-off partner.
'On-Again, Off-Again' Relationships May Be More Trouble Than They're Worth
This comparison paves way for nothing but disappointments, and it is this disappointment that prevents you from a entering a new and happy future that you deserve. An estimated 60 percent of American adults have been involved in one or more of these entanglements.
If they come back to you, then you know it was meant to be,' " said study author Kale Monk. He's an assistant professor of human development and family science at the University of Missouri.
Monk and his colleagues analyzed data from adults in opposite-sex and same-sex relationships to investigate the link between relationship cycling and emotional distress. One-third reported they had broken up and renewed relationships with the same partner -- some as many as eight times.
While the study only found an association, symptoms of distress were higher in participants with on-again, off-again relationships even after factors such as age, type and length of relationship, and whether couples had children were taken into account. Mainly, they get back together after a breakup because they have lingering feelings for their former partners.
Others are driven by more practical considerations, such as legal obligations like shared property or finances.
Crucial Relationship Advice for On-again, Off-again Couples
He said dedication, not obligation, should drive the decision. Other research has also established that factors such as violence, verbal abuse, poor communication or lack of commitment may lead people to cycle in and out of relationships, said Beverly Palmer, a retired psychology professor at California State University in Dominguez Hills.
But, she added, "the study does make the point that usually there's one who's leaving and one who is left, and it's not a mutual decision.
Then the person who left comes back.