Meet the Spartans () movie mistakes, goofs and bloopers
The perfect Spartan. The camera pans down to reveal that Baby Leonidas already has well defined abs. Spartan Man nods his head, chuckles and stamps the. King Leonidas of Sparta and a force of men fight the Persians at Leonidas sets out with his strong personal army to meet Xerxes' men at a narrow. Highly disciplined and trained to be warriors from a young age, Spartans were one of the most feared military forces in the Greek world. Those who failed to meet standards of physical fitness were beaten and censured. Runaway Baby body armor because they weren't movie stars who wanted to show off their abs.
I can just go to the grocery store! Talking to my fat makes it official: This diet has made me completely batshit crazy.
Oh, and my wife? Not one damn word. Day 40 Bitch and moan, and you shall receive, in the form of bitching … about my bony hips. I am uncertain if this qualifies as a compliment. Oh, and Ice Cream Man: Day 46 I am craving something so greasy it causes my cholesterol to spike right through the top of my skull.
Meet the Spartans - Wikiquote
Day 47 Paintball bachelor party. That game really hurts when you play sober. There is a God, and He wants me to be fat. Days 52 — Day 64 After no further comments from my wife since day 40, I decide it is time to break out the big guns.
The Quest for Six Pack Abs: A Personal Tale of Woe
Sadly, your man is not me. What she actually says is: Day 66 There is a strange crease above my naval.
Day 67 Twenty-six Celsius is too hot for wearing a shirt. I notice that my wife throws some appreciative looks my way, which pleases me. Later I go for a run through Nose Hill Park and see what I interpret to be another admiring glance from a woman who is not quite old enough to be my mother.
I am ashamed to admit that this also pleases me. I also forget sunscreen, which does not please me.
meet the spartans leonidas baby | One Tawny Stranger
Day 69 This article sucks. She agrees and promptly forgives me. The Spartans are white Greeks; the Persians' multicultural ethnicities vary from beige to black, including more modern stereotypes of Arab horsemen, African assegai-hurlers and, for some inadequately explained reason, katana-wielding Japanese samurai.
The Spartans are uniformly perfect specimens of an idealized if steroid-abusing manhood. The Persians and other enemies of Leonidas are presented as monstrous mutations; heavily deformed and rendered gigantic or hideous by inbreeding.
And there is no wonder about how the Spartans achieve this racial perfection: In fact this proto-eugenics was historically the practice of Spartans, but one might imagine that a film might at least find some means to suggest that a real democracy includes everyone, not just beefcakes who look good in leather jockstraps. No fear of that.
Soon Leonidas meets Ephialtes Andrew Tiernan. The historical Ephialtes of Trachis, whose name is synonymous in Greek with "nightmare," was a Malian Greek who betrayed the Spartans for Persian gold, showing them a secret path in the mountains through which a contingent of archers were able to flank and ultimately destroy the Spartans.
Inwe meet an Ephialtes who is a mass of visible disabilities. He's got a hunchback on his hunchback, he's stooped, he limps, his eyes are splayed apart and move like a chameleon's, but he's wearing a Spartan uniform.
Leonidas' captain reacts like a good Spartan to Ephialtes' unusual body: But Leonidas, good king that we're meant to believe he is, reacts with kindness.
Ephialtes tells his story: He was nevertheless raised as a Spartan, trained to fight with a spear, and given his uniform by his father. He wants to join the battle, and offers information: Leonidas' kindness turns to condescension as he explains that Ephialtes' body prevents him from raising his shield, and that therefore he would be useless indeed, fatally destructive to the Spartan phalanx key to their tactics, in which each man's shield protects the man next to him.
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Leonidas offers Ephialtes a different role: Ephialtes is enraged; he yells a curse at his parents: At the court of Xerxes, Ephialtes finds himself surrounded by people with unusual bodies; hermaphrodites, giants, amputees, transgendered people, and people with exotic deformities. Ephialtes is welcome here, one more freak in a freak show, and Xerxes showers him with gifts both material and sexual in exchange for his betrayal of Leonidas.
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For some strange reason, Ephialtes does not reveal the location of the secret path; instead, he offers to lead the Immortals Xerxes' fearsome elite force of, inexplicably, ninjas. Leonidas' last words are to Ephialtes on the battlefield before he is engulfed by a shower of arrows: Ephialtes, shamed, bows his misshapen head under his shiny new Persian helmet.
This is not mere ableism: There is nothing in Herodotus to indicate that Ephialtes exhibited any deformities nor disabilities, nor that he was a Spartan, so the entire Ephialtes subplot in can have only one purpose: The stripped-down democracy that the film advocates thus associates disability with everything else it considers "weakness"; mysticism, tyranny, sexual deviance of all sorts, effeminacy, and, well, being foreign.
But the fact remains that the Spartans were cruel eugenicists and that racist nationalism was an important foundation of classical Greek culture.