The following dating challenges seem to be common to most smart people. In fact , the Smart people spent more time on achievements than on . it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria. If you are the smartest person in the room, here's why you should go find a different room We meet smart people at art shows, museums, and cultural events. Seeing and meeting people are two separate things, and there are strategies to meet smart people; while we see people daily and everywhere.
Bring me home those straight As, son. Get into those top colleges, daughter. Take piano, violin, tennis, swimming and Tibetan throat-singing lessons. Win every award there is in the book. Of course you should develop those talents. At the same time, there's an opportunity cost associated with achievement. Time spent studying, doing homework, and practicing the violin is time not spent doing other things -- like chasing boys or girls, which turns out is fairly instrumental in making you a well-rounded human.
The upshot of all that achievement is that you get into a top college -- congratulations! Dating is at best another extracurricular, number six or number seven down the list, somewhere between Model UN and intramural badminton. I've been co-hosting young alumni events for name-brand schools for long enough to know that these kids come out a little lopsided which sounds so much better than "socially awkward," don't you think?
All they need is a little tune up, or a little dating textbook like The Tao of Dating for Women or The Tao of Dating for Mento get them going -- plus a little practice. Of course, as noted above, things only get worse once you graduate.
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And if you're frustrated with your love life, you just might try to compensate by working harder and achieving even more to fill that void.
Left untreated, this condition can go on for decades. I know people in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond who still haven't figured out how to create an intimate connection with another human being. It's because they've been going at it the wrong way. Which brings us to Smart people feel that they're entitled to love because of their achievements.
For most of their lives, smart people inhabit a seemingly-meritocratic universe: If they work hard, they get good results or, in the case of really smart folks, even if they don't work hard, they still get good results.
Why the Smartest People Have the Toughest Time Dating
Good results mean kudos, strokes, positive reinforcement, respect from peers, love from parents. So it only makes sense that in the romantic arena, it should work the same way. The more stuff I do, the more accomplishments and awards I have, the more girls or boys will like me. Please say I'm right, because I've spent a LOT of time and energy accumulating this mental jewelry, and I'm going to be really bummed if you tell me it's not going to get me laid.
Sapio, the dating app that wants to help smart people hook up
Well, it's not going to get you laid, brother or sister. It may get you a first date, but it's probably not going to get you a second date. And it certainly won't bring you lasting love and fulfillment. Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel.
And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare. In other words, you need to earn love or at least lust. Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment or put-downgiving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy. I wrote a whole page book about that, so that's a story for a different day. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one.
At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person. From then on, that was your principal identity: Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she or he was The Pretty One. Now you could be absolutely stunning in which case you're both smart AND pretty and everyone hates you except for me -- call me, like, immediatelybut your identity is still bound up in being The Smart One.
So maybe you dress frumpy and don't pay a lot of attention to your appearance. Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman. Or your sexual aggression as a male. Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity.
Energy flows between positive and negative electrodes, anode and cathode, magnetic north and south. Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.
Part of the issue is this: When all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin. By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being. Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already.
Use what mama amoeba gave you. That brings us to You're exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success. Here's an incontrovertible fact: You have to own real mistakes you make. The "smart people" progressed like we all do--by making their own mistakes. Don't kid yourself--we all are making tons of mistakes every day. It sounds like you may be perfectionistic and expecting to be something that doesn't exist. As for finding smart people, just keep your eyes peeled.
You need to know someone for some time to know if they are really smart. Take a mental inventory, figure out what subjects you're clueless about, then do a self-study. Maybe you want to know more about business, or finance, or law Maybe you think you need a mentor to pass on "life lessons.
Everyone's life is different, you make your own way. Be your own mentor. That's part of the problem. I have the same issue as the OP. Well, I used to. Books don't tell you everything, and there aren't books on every subject.
I lacked a LOT of knowledge about my field student affairsdespite all the reading I did. The info textbooks were too basic, and the info I found in publications was either outdated or way too theoretical. I didn't start learning about important things until I started asking experts like my advisor and internship supervisors LOTS of questions. You're a little vague about why your university can't provide the career guidance you need. I question whether you need your professors to be "direct friends" with you.
Your professors, or most of them, will be happy to chat with you about your career ideas and help give you some direction. I expect that what you need is a good job. I'd also recommend that you approach your professors and tell them that you're interested in assisting with research in the field or doing independent projects. But, also, they're not going to be really interested in you if you're just looking to observe them as an example of a successful person.
You have to be really interested in this stuff--and, if you're not going to challenge their intellect, you at least need to pique their interest. I've found that once you know what you want to achieve, and have the motivation to learn, teachers will appear and guide you to success. But that requires you to look inside and really understand what you want to learn. To paraphrase the Cheshire cat, if you don't know where you want to go, it's doesn't matter which road you take.
Conversely, no one can tell you what road to take until you know where you want to go. If you want to "succeed" in "life", I've found this book very valuable. I wish I've found it 5, or 10 years earlier; but I'm glad I've found it anyway. I really question the validity and practicality of this advice.
Unless you're in school or in a specific mentoring program, most people don't have a lot of extra time to take on someone to mentor. If it happens, it happens, but I don't think you need to pursue a mentor in order to be a success. Take advantage of the resources available to you, learn as much as you can, and work towards your goals. I think a lot more satisfaction comes from self-directed motivation.
I think hanging out comes naturally from there. FWIW, though, most "smart people" I know either are presently or were at one time utterly deficient in some non-smarts related part of their lives; brains aren't everything.
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I get the sense however, that you want to hang out with people who've got it together, rather than just someone who is brilliant. So work on your own self-discipline first and start taking little acting steps towards fulfilling your potential - after all, water seeks its own level.
Contrary to what some think, there ARE books on every subject and what's missed can be found on the internets. Mabye you need a sort of hiatus. You know, when you cut down social time a bunch to really focus on developing yourself.
Read a lot, write a lot, do all the projects and things you've always fantasized about. And, yeah, go talk to some professors. I don't know where you go to school, but while all professors won't come over to your room to play video games and chat quantum physics, they'll be happy to in their offices.
If we are talking about financial success, I don't believe that listening to "smarter" people is going to help a whole lot.
I have no data, I have no way to prove it, but after college in an honors program with really smart people, I now believe that most of success comes from extreme motivation. I think you are percieving a shortfall in yourself that you would like to fix - but mentors cannot teach you drive or ambition.
Their advice may make your life easier on the road to success, but that's about it. As my father, another smart man, once said - you can be anything you want, son, even a bum. You just have to promise me you will be the best bum on the block. And, that maxim, no matter how lame, is true. As long as you are the best, money will surely follow.