Getting past lies in a relationship

getting past lies in a relationship

There're white lies & black lies you know It's fine as long as it's a white lie. I'd been in one "gray lie" situation, when the company I worked at. Deception can be even more damaging to a relationship than infidelity. As kids, we are taught that it is wrong to lie; yet as we get older, the lines tend to The baggage we carry from our past weighs heavily on us, and we have trouble. As we get older there are certain things we shouldn't tolerate in a relationship. Our lives are complicated enough; filled with careers, family.

When this happens, jealousy, possessiveness insecurity and distrust can cause us to warp and misuse our relationships.

How to Repair a Relationship After Lying

An example of this might be a woman whose boyfriend gets so jealous that he forbids her to be alone with other men. Another example may be a man whose partner feels so insecure that she demands to be constantly reassured of his love and attraction to her. This type of restrictive situation can become a hotbed for dishonesty. The woman may lie about time alone she spent with a male friend or co-worker, or the man may lie about an attraction he is starting to feel for another woman. When we treat our partners with respect and honesty, we are true not only to them but to ourselves.

We can make decisions about our lives and our actions without compromising our integrity or acting on a sense of guilt or obligation. When we restrict our partners, we can compromise their sense of vitality, and we inadvertently set the stage for deception. The more open we are with each other, the cleaner and more resilient our relationships become.

getting past lies in a relationship

Conversely, the more comfortable we become with keeping secrets, the more likely we become to tell bigger and bigger lies. When an affair occurs, denial is an act of deception that works to preserve the fantasy that everything is okay.

Admitting that something is not okay or that you are looking for something outside the relationship is information that your partner deserves to know. Emotions sprung from deception like suspicion and anger can tear a relationship apart, but more importantly they can truly hurt another person by shattering their sense of truth.

Relationships are contingent on honesty and openness. They are built and maintained through our faith that we can believe what we are being told. However painful it is for a betrayed spouse to discover a trail of sexual encounters or emotional attachments, the lying and deception are the most appalling violations.

An ideal relationship is built on trust, openness, mutual respect and personal freedom.

Lying: A Relationship Deal Breaker | HuffPost

But real freedom comes with making a choice, not just about who we are with but how we will treat that person. Should you stay with someone who has been less than truthful? It all depends on you as a person. How much are you willing to put up with and how much time are you willing to spend with a liar?

Deception and the Destruction of Your Relationship

The key ingredient in any relationship is trust, especially as we grow older. Coupled with respect and love, trust gives you a strong basis as a couple. While trust is a bond, it is also a tenuous one, easily broken, if one of the partners constantly lies.

When we talk about lying, we're not including innocent white lies as in, "Did you close the outside lights? It no longer is an active part of being a couple.

getting past lies in a relationship

That breaks the strong bond of partnership. Lies about fidelity and money are the two most common ones that affect couples. They make it almost impossible to have real trust ever again in a relationship.

If your partner has cheated or if you feel that he or she will cheat again you have a trust issue.

getting past lies in a relationship

In addition to lying to you, he or she is making you constantly wait for "the other shoe to drop. Staying together is not an option for you. Life is too stressful. I absolutely cannot trust him. Once I caught him in a lie that changed everything.

Lying: A Relationship Deal Breaker

I can't take him back no matter how charming he seems to be right now. A fifty-something woman confided to me about what her new husband had done that constituted a complete marital trust breaker.

In the glow and trust of a new marriage she had put his name on her checking account. A week after coming home from her honeymoon she had gone to cash a check for two hundred dollars only to be told there were insufficient funds in her account.