The psychology behind the mother-in-law relationship--Aleteia
So I've compiled a list of 15 of the most obnoxious mother-in-law behaviors for which Mothers-in-law don't get to have the inside scoop on the young marriage . Of all the relationships in family life, the one between mother-in-law and unhealthy attachment to his mother a “mama's boy” is that part of the. The strain that parents-in-law can put on a couple's relationship is no laughing In many families, the mother-in-law is jokingly referred to as the “monster-in-law. of respondents described their relationship with their MIL as “bad” or “terrible.
Try insisting he does something reasonable you want him to do but know his mother is disapproving of: One woman I counselled — let's call her Laura — was single for more than a decade when she thought she met the perfect man for her. The thing she loved most about him, was how wonderfully supportive he was of his mother who appeared sweet and incredibly helpful at the start. This 'help' quickly exposed itself as obvious manipulation. Every time the poor guy tried to do anything that didn't suit her, she'd pull the 'after all I've done for you' card and he was hopeless to resist.
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It was clear to Laura this was what was happening, not so clear to her now not-so-perfect man. When she called him on what was happening, he was horrified that she dared to criticise the woman who had done everything for him.
If his mother had anger issues or punished him for disappointing her or defying her as a child, he'll grow up anxious and cautious, at her beck and call for fear of it happening again.How To Have A Healthy Biblical Relationship With Your In-laws
These men often end up people pleasers: There's also an unfortunate knock on effect. If he's scared of her, he resents her. This makes him feel — justifiably - angry which then gets taken out on you. An angry, resentful man does not make for a happy partner. Behind your back, she'll plant seeds of doubt into his head.
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It's wonderful news you got promoted and I guess it will be good for him to have to learn to 'fend for himself' when you're working late. That suit you bought him makes him look very handsome — she just hopes you can afford it, what with the kids starting college next year.
Marriage requires the total self-gift, so he cannot retain a boy-like affection for his mother while giving himself totally to his wife. A hard new truth This separation is hard for mothers.
This is also why and when the tension builds: This becomes a greater problem if the son does in fact remain overly attached to his mother.
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Naturally, she had strange feelings toward the new young bride that had displaced her. Mothers must accept that their sons are men and husbands, meaning mom must, in a sense, submit to his authority in his home and not ever seek to influence the choices and directions of the family.
She no longer has authority over him. She had her chance, and now he is grown. She must never speak ill of his new wife as a way to re-create a bond with the son, and she should not use guilt to try to coax him back in close to her or to do what she thinks is right.
Sons should cleave to their wives, and not sow unnecessary tension by, for example, discussing things with their mothers that they do not discuss with their wives, or seeking motherly advice or approval in ways that a boy would. They should reverence their mothers and honor them as they are commanded by God to do, while doing so as men. They must give themselves totally and fully to their wives. Wives should reverence their mother-in-law as well, with proper respect and gratitude for the gift of the husband.
They should seek them out as mentors and, in the best case, develop friendships with the mother, united by their common love. While they may feel the tension at times, they have still married into a family and respect is important. We know that the fruit of that union is children, and that all of these relationships are good and capable of being holy and life giving.
Even if tense and difficult, I think that the potential barriers also provide the opportunity for a closer union and greater love, if we allow truth and grace to give us light to see each other by.